Confessions of a Stay At Home Mom

"What did you do today?"

Such an intriguing question. Sometimes it stops me in my tracks, as I think about how much of my day I should share. For example, if I were to describe today;

I did some "housewife" duties-I cleaned out my fridge, and organized my bathroom closet. I made a grocery stop to the ever-popular Walmart. (I'm sure the amount of money I spend there employs at least two people.) And as of this evening, my laundry is now caught up. (And yes, I'm fully aware this status will change by tomorrow morning.)

I did some "mom" duties-changed diapers, cooked a few meals, colored, painted some wicked water-color rainbows, pushed around some cars with Chase...I did some "Mercy River" duties-caught up on our emails, posted a status on our FB account, and I had a conference call with Whit and Soni.

But do I tell him all the in-between stuff? Like, while I was on my way home from the store, the kids fell asleep in the car. So I took the opportunity to practice my interview skills, and I proceeded to have a very intelligent conversation with myself. Or during that small moment when both kids were down for quiet time, I snuck some Easter candy. Then, while I was cleaning the fridge, I had the Food Network on in the background. And after I ate the afore mentioned candy, I saw Giada cooking some yummy Italian, and then I saw her bitsy little body so I stopped cleaning and did 50 crunches. Or when I hit my 4:00 crash moment, I sat on the couch and stared at the ceiling for a good 6 minutes-trying to empty my mind and tune out my children, who were running around said couch.

Do I tell him that at some point today, I DID have makeup on? That I was dressed this morning, but then my shoulder was covered in Peanut Butter, so...and I started doing my hair, but then Chase got into my toothpaste, and I got sidetracked, so hence the current ponytail?

And, do I tell him that getting the mail always makes me a little excited?

I guess I could tell him, but I'm not sure if he would get it. I'm not sure you really understand the life of a stay at home mom until you experience it.

I can tell him about Kallie's many questions, and her too-cute phrases. I can tell him how much Chase loves his golf club, and try to demonstrate his latest cheesy grin. I can tell him how Kallie bit her jelly bean in half, just so Chase could have the other piece. I could tell him how fun it was to snug with Kallie while we watched Enchanted. I can describe Kallie and Chase's game of Kallie shutting the door, Chase knocking on it, Kallie opening it, and Chase saying "Hi!" in his sweet voice.

I can tell him all these things, but again, experiencing it is another ball game. I'm so grateful I get to experience it-all of it. The self-interviews, the couch crashes, the Peanut Butter shirts and ponytails, the mail, singing Enchanted at the top of my lungs with Kallie, getting whacked in the shins by Chase's golf club...I'll be honest, it lacks a bit of glitz and glamour, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

xo

For the Good of the People

Do I dare state my political opinions on a public blog?

I guess it's my blog, right? I'm testing it on this one before I put it out on Mercy River's.

If you think it's too, um, political, let me know, k? Thanks for being my test group!

In complete respect of other people's political stand, I have to say this past weekend was very hard for me. Monday was a rough day. The things that are happening in our country scare me. For the first time I felt hopeless-like there's nothing I can do. My children will grow up in...well, anyway, I was scared. All day I had a pit in my stomach. Then Tuesday night I came across something that gave me hope.

I started reading the Old Testament a couple weeks ago. Tuesday I read about Abraham and Sarah receiving the news that Sarah will have a baby. (P.S. I love that Sarah laughed, out of sheer joy. Can't you just picture her? I love Old Testament women.) But later in that chapter Abraham is talking to the Lord about Sodom and Gomorrah. The Lord tells Abraham that Sodom and Gomorrah will be destroyed. Abraham essentially asks him, but what if there are 50 good people in that city? Will you destroy it? The Lord tells him, He would save the city, for the sake of those 50 people. Then Abraham asks, but what if it's 45? 40? 30? Will you destroy it? The Lord tells him he would save the city for the sake of those 30 people. Finally Abraham asks, but what if there's only 10 people? Would you destroy the city? The Lord said, "I will not destroy it for ten's sake." Amazing. Here is a city chock full of wickedness, but He would save the city simply for the sake of the 10 righteous people. Is there any question He is mindful of each individual?

I may not agree with the things that are happening to my country. BUT-I KNOW there are GOOD people here. And as I read that, I realized that once again, it's in the Lord's hands. And He knows the people who are trying to follow Him. My job is to make sure my family and I are ready-prepared for the worst; that we work hard to be GOOD people. So when and if something happens, we have nothing to fear. And when there's an absence of fear, hope is allowed to exist.

So I'd like to use these changes in our nation as a motivation tool, to get my behind in gear. And the end result will hopefully be, HOPE.

2 Birds, 1 Stone

I'm lazy, you say? I haven't updated this blog in...forever? The latter point is true, but I'm here to defend myself on the former accusation. Some of you know this, but I don't have 2 blogs. I have 3. And unfortunately this one tends to fall in last place. Most of my writing energies go into the Mercy River Blog. To be honest, there's a bigger following there, and therefore I feel more pressure to keep it updated. So I'm going to do one of two things-copy and paste posts from one to the other, or just direct your reading eyes (and your precious spare time) to our Mercy River Musings. I like to think of myself as efficient. (Which may or may not include some laziness. I'm not admitting to anything!) That being said, I DO love my Mamma Drama readers, so I'll do the best I can to keep y'all around, mmmmk?

XOXO

Perception

When the Mercy River girls and I were choosing songs for our latest album, we were all sold on one Primary song. "I Know My Heavenly Father Loves Me" just HAD to be on it. It's our favorite Primary song, and it's so beautiful on it's own-imagine it with an amazing arrangement! Whitney took the liberty to start the arrangement, (which was beautiful enough to bring Soni and I to tears), and in our heads we had this huge orchestral track behind it-I believe we used the words "flowy" several times while describing our idea to our producer. He submitted it to an arranger and about a week later we got it back. And we didn't like it. It was NOTHING like we expected; there was nothing "flowy" about it. We were brought to tears, but this time for a different reason. This was not what we pictured! This was not what we had planned for this song! Our producer reassured us that it was great, and regardless of our opinion, it was going on the album.

This last couple weeks we've given the album to our family and close friends to get their opinion. And guess what song falls in people's Top 5 list-you guessed it. "I Know My Heavenly Father Loves Me." One friend told me she sat and cried through the whole thing. It helped her during a rough moment, and she was so glad it was on the album. The sad thing is, my first response was, "Really?? Did you listen to it really close??" But then I thought, did I listen to it really close? Have I ever listened to it without my "Mercy River Goggles" on, and just let the message speak to me as it does for those hearing it for the first time? I must confess, I hadn't done that.

There's a life lesson in here. There have been times, and will continue to be times, in my life when things aren't going the way I planned. The end result of a project or challenge may be different than I expected. But I think different is OK. It's not bad, it's just...different. And maybe that different path I end on has something else in store for me. Maybe there are people in that new path that need me. Maybe there are lessons that are more important for me to learn. And when I find myself on that new path, I need to stop mourning what I've lost, and shift my focus-change my perception. How can I see the path for what it is, if I can't let go of my opinion? Just because things don't go my way, doesn't mean it's going the wrong way. At some point I need to not only hand my will over to the Lord, but LET IT GO. He can't do anything with my life if I won't let go.

I listened to that song, concentrating on changing my perspective. I listened to the song again and again, letting go of my regrets of "what might have been", and trying to see it as others might. And I must say, I love the song. It's different, but I think it's the way it should be.

XOXO

P.S. How many of you are singing "What Might Have Been" right now? Suckas!

P.P.S. I'm NOT trying to sell this CD-promise! It's just an analogy, peeps. :) Loves.

Something Left Behind

Dear(est) Holidays;

It was so fun to have you visit us for the month! Didn't we have lots o' good times? All those parties and craft nights, and all the baking! Oh, the baking. Ahem...yep, good times. But, um, remember those 4 extra lbs. I carried around for you during your stay? Ya, you left them. And to be frank, (and please don't be offended), I'm a little tired of carrying them. It just doesn't work with me. So would you kindly come back asap and take them away? Thanks a mil. Can't wait to see you next year!

With all the affection my heart can hold,

We Can Hear it Still

It's probably a bad thing to admit this, but this is the first year in awhile I've felt the TRUE spirit of Christmas the entire season. I owe it all to this Primary song. (Ward buddies, you've already heard my feelings on this, so sorry for the repeat.)

Here are the words:

Stars were gleaming, shepherds dreaming, and the night was dark and chill.

Angels story, rang with glory; shepherds heard it on the hill.

Oh that singing

Hear it ringing

Earth-ward winging

Christmas bringing

Hearken we can hear it still. (There's a fantastic minor chord in this line that makes this song over-the-top.)

That last line kills me. It's so true! It's the same message today as it was over 2000 years ago-it's never changed. We started learning this song right before Thanksgiving, and I've had it stuck in my head ever since.

Today I found myself getting teary-eyed over several songs. "Silent Night", "Angels We Have Heard on High", and the afore mentioned "Stars were Gleaming" all overwhelmed me with such gratitude for that sacred night.

What an incredible story. And even more, what an unbelievable gift we've been given. Music touches my heart like nothing else, and I'm so grateful we have so many beautiful songs testifying and telling us of Christ's birth.

So as I look at my countertop filled with neighbor gifts to be delivered, presents to still be wrapped, and cookies to be dipped in chocolate, I can't help but smile. Despite my 4-foot long list o' things to do tomorrow, I feel at peace. It's amazing how little those things matter when there's such a miracle to celebrate. We have a Savior! We can live with Him again. We have someone to guide us through this life. We are never alone. And like that message the angels gave so long ago-HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. And that makes me giddy-happy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a bowl of melting chocolate that needs some taste-testing...

Global Blah Blah Blah

Dear Al Gore;

Hey, congrats on all your awards 'n' stuff you've received for your research for Global Warming. Seriously, kudos. Oh but wait, have you been to Utah? Did you know it snowed for the last three days, and it's going to keep snowing off and on all week? Oh, and did you know that it hits in the LOW TEENS at night, making an early morning run impossible? No? I didn't think so.

No offense, but I find your research a bunch of crap.

Sincerely,