Tuesday, November 10, 2009

So Blessed...Honestly

There are lots of reasons I love being a woman. I love being a sister, a mom, a wife, a friend-I love the sense of empowerment I get when I read anything that mentions the influence we have on others in this life. But there's one thing that drives me crazy-

This bizarre need to outdo each other-even if it means lying.

Are you a "Seriously So Blessed" fan? I am-it's been awhile since I've checked her blog, but for those of you who don't know this gal, it's a blog written by "TAMN", and it follows her perfect life. The whole thing's a joke, and absolutely hilarious.

The other day I ran across another blog that was JUST LIKE TAMN'S. Oh, except it was real. ThE AuThOr EvEn WrOtE hEr SeNtEnCeS LiKe ThIs! (Don't worry-this gal doesn't even know my blog exists. So no, it's not you.) I had to keep checking the web address to make sure I didn't accidentally click on SSB. I was laughing the whole time, except it wasn't a joke. I think that's what I love so much about TAMN's blog. It's spot-on, and makes fun of the fact that so many women struggle with just being honest.

Why is that? Why can't we be a support to each other? Why do our conversations center around our children's accomplishments, our husband's perfection, our fantastic eating and exercise habits, and our material possessions? Why can't we share our failures, our sorrows, our fears, our struggles? Doesn't that build a connection as well? Why can't we just share without judgment, or the fear of being judged?

When we were having a hard time getting pregnant with Kallie, I remember feeling weird about sharing that with others, like our "perfect" life wasn't really that perfect. But then one day I thought, forget it. Who cares? When people asked I told. And I made a lot of good friends that way-friends going through the same thing. I still have friends come to me when they are struggling with it.

Now, I'm not suggesting we sit around and complain. I'll be honest-I feel very blessed. I do have an absolutely amazing husband. But here's a secret-sometimes he bugs. And sometimes I bug him. I have some cute kiddos, but here's a secret-Kallie has my personality and sometimes we butt heads. And sometimes I banish both kids to the basement so I can have some peace. And sometimes Kallie watches 3 hours of TV in one day, just so I can get something done. And sometimes I ignore Chase when he's yanking on my pant leg, whining to be lifted. Oh, and sometimes I give Chase a big sucker, just so he'll sit in his stroller and be happy. Sometimes I don't clean the bathroom that week. Sometimes I go days and days without making the bed. Sometimes I don't get to showering until 3:00 PM. Sometimes I go a week without exercising, and sometimes I go the whole day before realizing all I've had to eat was a 32 oz. Diet Coke and a piece of cake from the night before.

Sometimes I'm scared my kids won't get along when they're older. Sometimes I'm really, really scared about finances. Sometimes I'm worried I'm not doing enough for my, and the kids', spiritual growth. Sometimes I'm bored in Sharing Time at church. Sometimes I wonder why we bother bringing Chase to church. Sometimes I hate what having kids has done to my body-and then I hate that I care.

But despite all that I feel blessed. I just hope I don't portray a perfect life. It's a good life, but it's extremely chaotic, and we have our struggles, worries, and grumpy days. Besides, who wants to be friends with someone who's "perfect"? I personally find it nauseating. In fact, the older I get, the more I avoid these people. Not because I think they're bad, but because they tend to bring out this horrible creature in me. I start to care about things I shouldn't care about, and I start to make comparisons. And based on what? Lies. I can't be around that. I need people who will cry with me, laugh with me, share my anger, and share my triumphs. I need someone who understands what I'm going through, because they've been through it too. (And they're not afraid to admit it.)

More important, I hope I can be that person for others.