This bizarre need to outdo each other-even if it means lying.
Are you a "Seriously So Blessed" fan? I am-it's been awhile since I've checked her blog, but for those of you who don't know this gal, it's a blog written by "TAMN", and it follows her perfect life. The whole thing's a joke, and absolutely hilarious.
The other day I ran across another blog that was JUST LIKE TAMN'S. Oh, except it was real. ThE AuThOr EvEn WrOtE hEr SeNtEnCeS LiKe ThIs! (Don't worry-this gal doesn't even know my blog exists. So no, it's not you.) I had to keep checking the web address to make sure I didn't accidentally click on SSB. I was laughing the whole time, except it wasn't a joke. I think that's what I love so much about TAMN's blog. It's spot-on, and makes fun of the fact that so many women struggle with just being honest.
Why is that? Why can't we be a support to each other? Why do our conversations center around our children's accomplishments, our husband's perfection, our fantastic eating and exercise habits, and our material possessions? Why can't we share our failures, our sorrows, our fears, our struggles? Doesn't that build a connection as well? Why can't we just share without judgment, or the fear of being judged?
When we were having a hard time getting pregnant with Kallie, I remember feeling weird about sharing that with others, like our "perfect" life wasn't really that perfect. But then one day I thought, forget it. Who cares? When people asked I told. And I made a lot of good friends that way-friends going through the same thing. I still have friends come to me when they are struggling with it.
Now, I'm not suggesting we sit around and complain. I'll be honest-I feel very blessed. I do have an absolutely amazing husband. But here's a secret-sometimes he bugs. And sometimes I bug him. I have some cute kiddos, but here's a secret-Kallie has my personality and sometimes we butt heads. And sometimes I banish both kids to the basement so I can have some peace. And sometimes Kallie watches 3 hours of TV in one day, just so I can get something done. And sometimes I ignore Chase when he's yanking on my pant leg, whining to be lifted. Oh, and sometimes I give Chase a big sucker, just so he'll sit in his stroller and be happy. Sometimes I don't clean the bathroom that week. Sometimes I go days and days without making the bed. Sometimes I don't get to showering until 3:00 PM. Sometimes I go a week without exercising, and sometimes I go the whole day before realizing all I've had to eat was a 32 oz. Diet Coke and a piece of cake from the night before.
Sometimes I'm scared my kids won't get along when they're older. Sometimes I'm really, really scared about finances. Sometimes I'm worried I'm not doing enough for my, and the kids', spiritual growth. Sometimes I'm bored in Sharing Time at church. Sometimes I wonder why we bother bringing Chase to church. Sometimes I hate what having kids has done to my body-and then I hate that I care.
But despite all that I feel blessed. I just hope I don't portray a perfect life. It's a good life, but it's extremely chaotic, and we have our struggles, worries, and grumpy days. Besides, who wants to be friends with someone who's "perfect"? I personally find it nauseating. In fact, the older I get, the more I avoid these people. Not because I think they're bad, but because they tend to bring out this horrible creature in me. I start to care about things I shouldn't care about, and I start to make comparisons. And based on what? Lies. I can't be around that. I need people who will cry with me, laugh with me, share my anger, and share my triumphs. I need someone who understands what I'm going through, because they've been through it too. (And they're not afraid to admit it.)
More important, I hope I can be that person for others.
13 comments:
Oh I love you... you are that person, so don't fear!
You are amazing!!
I loved reading this today and the fact that reading it made me realize that I should complain more often - not complaining when I want to is lying, right!! :)
Just like telling people I'm fine when really, I'm not! But, don't worry, I really am fine today! :)
If you came over to my house, you'd realize all that jazz happens here at my house too!
You said it perfectly. :)
Well, if we're here to be honest, my room is a pig-sty and I am sitting here blog-stalking and watching So You Think You Can Dance. Then I plan on ignoring my disgusting room some more and watching Glee. After that, I'll probably weave my way through the crap on my floor to wash my face, then I'll climb over more crap and go to bed. Hey, I'm just being honest! :) I think you are amazing, Brooke, and it's nice to know that you have "those days" too. Love you!!!
Perfect people's blog's make me throw up in my mouth just a little... totally agree!! I hate trying to play the catch up game to other peoples "perfectness" and some times I waste hours trying to be that person.... I love you, I am so glad I am getting to know you better!! I need this today, THANKS!
Gosh Brooke, I really wish I could relate to this. But frankly I have a perfectly perfect life and perfectly well behaved children. My hubby is always perfect - except when he only brings home a dozen roses instead of 2, and my home is perfectly organized, efficient, and perfectly maintained. My FHE's are perfectly executed, we are perfectly on time and well behaved in church, and my kids are perfect students, amazingly perfect athletes and musicians. I am perfect on my calories - I never cheat, ever. I have a perfect routine and cleaning schedule, perfect friends that we get together with and think about our perfect lives together, and I am perfectly grateful and perfectly humble and perfectly happy, every hour of every day. And if by some slim chance I don't have a perfect moment, it always becomes the perfect teaching opportunity for my perfectly perfect offspring. Did I mention how perfectly coordinated our outfits always are? I am perfectly ready for Christmas and am positive that we will only experience perfectly calm and a perfectly peaceful holiday season together with those I cherish most in my perfectly perfect universe.
So, I can only guess what it must be like to feel the way you do and offer some perfectly perfect sympathies and advice for you that I can find written in my perfectly recorded and perfectly kept up journal and scrapbooks. I'll get it put in perfect vinyl letters to put above your door and consider it a perfect opportunity to do some service for my fellow imperfect friend.
With love,
Mary Poppins, Barbie, and Galinda.
Amen my dear Brooke! You are a great writer and I think what you said was PERFECT. You are my most perfectly imperfect friend and that is what makes you so awesomely complex and interesting.
Reading this is like a weight lifted off my shoulders - I thought it was a killer post.
I agree with Makell, I like this post. That's one thing about blogs that are hard. We all see the perfect side of people. No one generally writes about their struggles or their worries or posts a picture they don't approve of. And we all know we all have them. So thanks Ms Brooke! I'm happy to share my name with you! =)
Wow, Mary Poppins, Barbie, AND Galinda commenting on my blog? I feel so...honored! I was laughing so hard, Makell, kudos!
YES!!! I love you to death Brooke! Seriously! We just need to hang out more. You are the kind of friend that everyone needs. It's so refreshing to hear someone lay it out there like that. I mean, what is wrong with talking about things that we are not the best at and the things that tick us off?! Like me playing on my blog for hours and not getting anything done. (He He!) Or, letting my kids have cereal for dinner because I just don't have it in me to make anything. How about family drama that could make a very riveting Dr. Phil show! Ok, maybe everyone doesn't have Dr. Phil level family drama, but I bet there's someone out there that feels my pain. I mean, that is reality right?! It's just too exhausting to pretend the perfect life. We've all heard the line "nobody's perfect" a million times because it's TRUE! And yes, we should all strive to be perfect, but, it's not happening! I love having friends and people around me that are just real and are not afraid of what people think. You are the best Brooke!
Wow, girl you are amazing! I seriously want to copy and paste your whole post and post it on my blog! Everyone needs to read this. It is so sad that something that is supposed to be fun and relaxing, turns into a competition. I love you girl and especially for your honesty, I think we all could learn from you! Your amazing and i look up to you so much! Love you!
You rock girl. Well said, my friend, well said. I'll share my not-so-perfect life with you any day.
Oh my word, I'm serious, Brooke. WRITE A BOOK!!! Please!!??!! I have ALWAYS loved writing, and every single time I read your blog, I think you write the way I wish I could. Seriously, write a book! And hey, you'd never have to worry about finances again, sister!
Excellent post Brooke! You said it perfectly. Really.
xo
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