"Oh mom!" I moaned pathetically. I was quite dramatic.
Her answer: "You're fine!"
I don't know why I've always remembered that. It's not like it's a painful memory. I don't lie awake at night, wishing I could spill my guts on Oprah's couch, while the audience shakes their heads in sympathy. And yet it sticks out in my mind like it happened yesterday. To be honest, I don't remember a lot of sympathy growing up. I was raised that way-with a "Buck it up" attitude. I was never coddled. I'm the oldest; the guinea pig child if you will. All oldest children are, right? But I wonder if that plays into my shortcomings. Like, sometimes I think I could be more compassionate. I could argue that it's a choice-I could choose to be more compassionate. I will say I'm working on it. I'm improving. But am I where I'd like to be? Not even close. There were times I vowed I would show more sympathy for my kids, because maybe that was the missing link.
Today Kallie was, once again, spooked by some Halloween decoration. Today I had it. "Then go away from it!" I said. "You're fine!"
Gasp. You're fine? I say those words to her all the time, but for some reason today they had some insane grasp on my memory and all of a sudden I was 9 years old standing in front of my mom. And once again I realized; I'm teaching Kallie to "Buck it up". It scared me.
But then, I have a great mom. She's taught me a lot of things. Everyone loves her. She has a lot of spunk. She has a lot of passion. She's taught me the healing powers of chocolate. I know she loves our Savior. She's taught me what a prayer and a handful of faith can really do. And when it comes down to it, she's my best friend. And my "Press Forward" style of upbringing has come to my rescue several times. I found that I'm stronger than I thought I was, because that's the way I was raised. And (much to Jarum's chagrin) I'm an independent spitfire; sometimes it bites me in the you-know-where, but there are many times it has worked in my favor. I'm pretty sure I got that from my mom.
Mirror, mirror, on the wall.
I am my mother after all.
But maybe that's not such a bad thing.
3 comments:
well helloo there sister! I swear I checked this blog all the time and NO UPDATES. So I decide to check tonight and see that I have been out of the loop!!
Love your posts deary. And the buck it up attitude is a good trait to have... I think that's funny that you told Kallie to just go away from it (like it's not rocket science! Ha ha that just struck me funny.
I seem to have that same tug of war between showing nurturing and empathy and trying to avoid coddling at the same time. My usual line is " Stop crying. NOw, This is NOT something that you cry over. Pull yourself together and get back out there. Your fine." and then I turn to walk away and bend my fingers and do a silent arrghhh and roll my eyes. Then I think I'm a mean mom and I try to think of the hundred other ways that I could have handled that better and swear that next time I'll be better...
Sometimes it actually happens..
What's funny is that I was raised the exact opposite of this. My mom would baby my every wound or cry and it totally made me into the same mommy as her. And even funnier, Brady was raised just like you. So we have completely different ways of handling our children. It just goes to show that no matter what we do or say...we will turn into our parents in some way, shape, or form. Scary! I guess I'd better really take a look at how I am parenting my children. You are a fantastic mom BTW!!! I love this blog!
I was the oldest child too and I swear My mom was just like yours. I laughed when I read this post cuz I totally do the same thing.
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